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It was Sunday afternoon and I was in downtown Apex,sipping a Big Boss Brewing Bad Penny Draft Beer (say that ten times real fast) whilesitting at a sidewalk table in front of the Salem Street Pub. An hour or solater, the music scheduled for inside the quaint bar, formerly a soda shop,would begin, but right then, as the deep colored, rich tasting Raleigh brew wasdisappearing, the entertainment was underway on the street in front of me.
It wasn’t a parade, but there was a steady stream ofvehicles involved as supporting actors and actresses in a show that tickled. Ifyou want a good laugh, which could be on you, “hurry, hurry, hurry and take aseat along Salem Street and watch with pain as drivers of all sizes and genderattempt to parallel park a car.” As someone who has never had a problem doingsuch, I get a kick and a hardy laugh when something as simple as parallelparking turns into mission impossible.
That bright, sunny afternoon as the sun set down thestreet, there was a plethora of attempters, some who made it safely tuckedsquarely and legitimately into the lengthy spaces and others who did aneye-ball-it drive by and opted for easier answers a block or so away face-firstin a lot instead of sideways against the curb.
There was the lady driver of the small car that parkedat an angle, diving in head first directly adjacent to my front row seat,leaving her left tail light a good foot into the street and the passenger sidetire nearly up on the sidewalk.
There was the huge SUV which was small enough to fitinside the lines but which moved back and forth, gyrating little by little,easing halfway into the space when all of a sudden the two backseat passengers showedtheir “antsyness,” unloading and running to the Pub to put their names on thewaiting list. “We’d better go ahead and order or we’ll never get served if wewait on her,” said the male as he walked across the street and sidewalk andinto the restaurant. Over at the SUV, a frustrated female drive was exiting thecar after she put it in park still more than halfway out in the street. Themale front seat passenger was racing around the front of the car and soonassumed the driving position. In three quick moves—backwards, frontwards,backwards—the semi-tank was snugly in place. Dinner would be served shortly.
There were drivers with cars half the size of thespace but who just had to edge over the forward line and into the space in aheadwith no regard to the car forward in that area. And there was the male driverwho parked so close to the car to his rear that the owner of that vehiclecouldn’t drive away until one of the cars on either end of his departed.
There were the parading cars, those just cruisingSalem Street, not looking for a place to park but just looking and who refusedto wait for anyone to parallel park. The parallel parker would pull forwardjust past the desired space and start to back up when the car behind either wouldpull up close behind, not allowing the parker to park, or would race aroundinto oncoming traffic.
Watching the drill was humorous and somewhatdangerous especially with so few people who know how to parallel park, at leaston that afternoon in downtown Apex. There were no wrecks, but there could havebeen a fender bender or two. Being able to parallel park a vehicle is not arequirement for the driving test to get a driver’s license in North Carolina. Ifso, there’s no doubt there would be fewer licensed drivers in this state.
The key to successful parallel parking is using theside mirrors and to not turn around to look. You’d be better off if there wasno rear window of your car. Turn on your right turn signal to let the carbehind you know you’re about to attempt to park. (If that driver knows anythingabout parallel parking, it would give you room.) Pull past the desired spaceand somewhat close to the vehicle in the next space. Check your side mirrorsand make sure the idiot in the car behind you has stopped far enough back andis not trying to pass. Back the car slightly until the midway point of your caris at the left rear point of the car next to you. Turn the steering wheel tothe right and start back at a decent angle and into the space. As the frontright point of your car arrives at the back left point of the car you’reparking behind, turn the steering wheel of your car back to the left and then,as the car enters the space completely, straighten the steering wheel andcontinue in a straight line parallel to the curb and toward the car in thespace behind you. Stop just short of that car and then pull forward untilyou’re centered in the space.
It may sound complicated, but it’s not. It’s somewhata work of art with a little geometry tossed in. It’s also fun (and painful) towatch others give it a try, especially along Salem Street in Apex, right out infront of the Pub, sipping a beer of choice. Next time, for more giggles andgrins, those 1-10 rating cards may be in order.
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Post Script: I was not sitting and drinking alone that Sunday in Apex in front of the Salem Street Pub. My wonderful wife, Nancy, was there with me. But, she doesn't see the humor in the subject of this writing because she is not an accomplished parallel parker!
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